You're my little dorito
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
