i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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