Heybabeimwearingurpanties
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
