And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I forget how to act sober
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
