I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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