I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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