i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
