he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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