Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
