after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
