like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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