Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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