Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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