Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
