Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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