Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
