i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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