Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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