becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
