Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
