you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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