We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
