So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
