the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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