A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
