i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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