Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
