rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
