No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
