the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
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It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert