dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW