its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me