Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(231): View more from Michigan

A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.

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(716): View more from New York

God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.

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(334): View more from Alabama

Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.

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25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Read it at the TFLN blog
(423): View more from Tennessee

They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.

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(662): View more from Mississippi

Bang-toberfest begins!!

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(512): View more from Texas

There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.

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(757): View more from Virginia

I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."

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(870): View more from Arkansas

Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor

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