i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!