i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
