I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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