you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
