DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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