dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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