Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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