the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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