McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
there is puke in my bra ... again
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