Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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