So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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