hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
