we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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