so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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