im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
soo... how was my night?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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