this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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