Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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