I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Randomize
