Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
