Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
