I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
