My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
