Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Randomize
