Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
