Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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