Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
