we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
His nipple licking is glorious
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