i just google imaged poop.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
