When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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