I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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