Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
