shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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