I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
