When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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