I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
