after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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