Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
