Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
