I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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