I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
my sisters under your porch take her home
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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