I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
