I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
